i still can't figure out what made me do this. Blog.
A small voice in my head keeps asking me "Why?"
"What?"
And a smaller voice replies just as quickly,
"why the fuck not?"
"you are bored"
"you aren't doing anything worthwhile, anyway"
"It's new, at least for you"
"Satisfy your writers ego"
"Feed it"
"Just rant"
Guess the smaller voice won. Surprisingly, it often wins.
As i struggle for the next sentence or, as my writer's ego would want to call it, the next rant, I can't help but wonder about the wisdom of the words spouted by a dear friend.
I had expressed my wish to him. Pat came the answer, "Don't" ..a pause, then an all knowing, "i have done this before, it will become an eleph....." ( the rest was drowned out by the satisfying sound of a thousand knives poking holes into the naysayer by the hurt writer's ego)
Now, i wonder, maybe, i should have restrained myself. I should have tried and listened, against better judgment (huh, i didn't know judgment didn't have an 'e'. The hurt writer's ego rears its beautiful head again.)
Maybe he was right. Maybe the knives were.
Maybe, just maybe, i should have tried to answer this question.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA WRITE ABOUT?"
hmm.....yeah....exactly....what?
Do i really feel strongly about anything to write about anything?
Do i really think and believe, people are going to enjoy reading this?
(of course they will, the smaller voice whispers soothingly. And a shiver runs through my typing fingers, as i realize the voice sounds a lot like my writer's egos. Just masked)
The damn ego. He always wins.
I know people are gonna say, you had a choice. as if anyone has any. The good thing about choices is, well, it's just a damn good feeling to have. The bad thing is that, when you get right down to making that choice, you realize, you didn't have any. You will always like one thing better than the other. You'd always want to go for one thing more than the other. And that will get manifested when you make that 'choice'.
Which is exactly what happened here. Hence, my first post.
I don't know whether there will be a second.
maybe, maybe not.
I don't know whether the "eleph...." thingy will happen.
maybe. maybe not.
But damn the ego. I love him.
The smaller voice just replied, "I love you too".
8 comments:
Welcome. It all starts with a conflict I guess. A friend of mine once said blogging is just for your own clarity. As you start writing you would look for things to write about. How true!
Keep ranting. Hope you keep adding fuel and don't give a break to your ego.
Welcome to the BLOGGING PHENOMENON! Like the way you and your ego, you and writing/ ranting are made for each other... hope you and blogging are made for each other. Keep posting... cheers!
Load it. Dunno why these two words came to my mind when i read your "rant". Probably it got to do with them egos...or the way u actually ranted! Its bursting in its seams....you know it, so dude, let it all out...let it all out! Happy blogging :)
M
write...it always helps..
u notice, i write, "write" and not, blog..awful word that..blog...love the bit abt the choice...bang on I say..will come back for more
surprising though that u never thought of blogging till now...and I would agree with what u say as far as its comes to blogging regularly, but then wtf...and fuck u man...what u say about choice is something u can read here too...asifkhan.in/choice
hmm... there are actually people reading your stuff...
Good that u keep losing and the lil guy keeps winning....carry on the good work....
blog-a-licious!
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