Wednesday, May 28, 2008

An amber colored state of Liquefied mind

i am drunk. slightly.

May be that's what's pushing me to write this. And i have always wanted to do this. get drunk and write. Just simply write.

The first thing that comes to mind.

The last thing that comes to mind.

Fuck, any damn thing that comes to mind.

Just write. Use the 26 alphabets. use my limited vocabulary. Use my current drunken state of mind. And come up with something. Just put word after word. String them up. And see what happens. Where do i go. Where does my writing go.

Just watch it swirl around like ice cubes in an amber colored liquid. And then gradually melt to be one with it.

Damn, time for me to get another one...

Monday, May 19, 2008

Of cloud wavers and world peace

I have a theory.
I think people who wave at clouds are infinitely more happier than the rest of us who don't. And more at peace with themselves.
Before you jump to your well-judged conclusion that i have completely lost it. Let me assure you that you jump right and land at the right place too.
But just see this through, will you. At the end of it, maybe you would have lost it too. And it isn't such a bad place to be, anyway.
There are people, in this selfish, selfish world, who wave at clouds (i know one at least). And surprisingly, do not expect them to wave back.
That my friends, who are about to call the nearest asylum, is the secret to eternal happiness and peace. That is Nirvana. Hold the call.
Just imagine, you standing up there on your terrace, one overcast morning, the rain tattooing your upturned face with little pellets of life, watching the clouds dance by in a slow waltz and the sun, just a hazy reminder that it is day time. And before you know it, your arms are raised and you are cheering the clouds on to wherever they are going.
You wave at them.
Knowing very well, they won't wave back. Or for that matter stop to give you a ride. Sorry Ford.
That, ladies and gentlemen is one of the most unselfish gestures i have ever known.
You do not expect anything in return. Not showers of gold or blessings. Not a smile. Not even a Thank you. You just wave. That's purity in its purest form. That's innocence.
And i for one know, this world can do with some of that.
Everything else we do, even if it's charity of the noblest sorts, we invariably, deep inside, expect a kickback. In some form or the other. We will never admit it. But yes, we do expect a kick-back.
Forward a mail to save the life of a never-aging yet dying 6yr old. Expect to never see this mail again.
Give a rupee coin to sickly looking, nasal voiced, running nosed child at the intersection. Expect to shut him up and his blessings of 'tumhari jodi salamat rahegi' types. That too in front of a very hot babe whom you are just trying to chat up.
But waving at clouds? Hell no. You just can't expect anything.
May be that's what a certain Mr. Bush should do. Climb up the flagpole on his white house, once in a while, and wave at clouds. Instead of looking for countries with assumed stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction.
May be that's what Bhajji should have done. Put his hand to better use.
May be a whole bunch of people should wave at clouds in the middle east. Instead of waving grenades and expecting to win 'freedom'. Imagine that.
Will you throw a grenade at someone after you have just waved at the clouds? I should hope not. May be we all should. May be we will know how beautiful is to be happy because of something you did. Not others. How lovely can life be without any expectations.
May be it's time for you to make that call now.
PS. Thanks lil one. I owe you for this!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A rant

i still can't figure out what made me do this. Blog.
A small voice in my head keeps asking me "Why?"

"What?"
And a smaller voice replies just as quickly,
"why the fuck not?"
"you are bored"
"you aren't doing anything worthwhile, anyway"
"It's new, at least for you"
"Satisfy your writers ego"
"Feed it"
"Just rant"
Guess the smaller voice won. Surprisingly, it often wins.
As i struggle for the next sentence or, as my writer's ego would want to call it, the next rant, I can't help but wonder about the wisdom of the words spouted by a dear friend.
I had expressed my wish to him. Pat came the answer, "Don't" ..a pause, then an all knowing, "i have done this before, it will become an eleph....." ( the rest was drowned out by the satisfying sound of a thousand knives poking holes into the naysayer by the hurt writer's ego)
Now, i wonder, maybe, i should have restrained myself. I should have tried and listened, against better judgment (huh, i didn't know judgment didn't have an 'e'. The hurt writer's ego rears its beautiful head again.)
Maybe he was right. Maybe the knives were.
Maybe, just maybe, i should have tried to answer this question.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA WRITE ABOUT?"
hmm.....yeah....exactly....what?
Do i really feel strongly about anything to write about anything?
Do i really think and believe, people are going to enjoy reading this?
(of course they will, the smaller voice whispers soothingly. And a shiver runs through my typing fingers, as i realize the voice sounds a lot like my writer's egos. Just masked)
The damn ego. He always wins.
I know people are gonna say, you had a choice. as if anyone has any. The good thing about choices is, well, it's just a damn good feeling to have. The bad thing is that, when you get right down to making that choice, you realize, you didn't have any. You will always like one thing better than the other. You'd always want to go for one thing more than the other. And that will get manifested when you make that 'choice'.
Which is exactly what happened here. Hence, my first post.
I don't know whether there will be a second.
maybe, maybe not.
I don't know whether the "eleph...." thingy will happen.
maybe. maybe not.
But damn the ego. I love him.
The smaller voice just replied, "I love you too".